I say no to...stalkers...

This story I shall write in letter form.


Dear guy with the almost-mullet who sat next to me at the computer lab today--

When you sit next to a girl at a computer lab it is probably a wise idea to not keep looking at her computer screen. Yes. I know my facebook is probably funnier than yours, but I promise we both have the same layout. Our friends and social networks vary (obviously, because I have never once seen your almost-mullet hairstyle in any one of my friends pictures) but my facebook is not meant for you to be constantly reading over my shoulder. Also, when you dropped a Doritos crumb on my skirt and then wiped it off--that was too high on ANY girls leg before you have even introduced yourself. And then when you introduced yourself after...and said you liked my status update...did it not occur to you that I might think its creepy you were looking THAT closely at my status update?
I may have laughed off all of these awkward moments, except that you could not leave well enough alone--you just had to ask for my number all the while blowing Doritos breath in my face. I actually did not give you my number. But I was kind enough to tell you a white lie, which was that I was kinda seeing someone. Oops. I am sorry, but I didn't want to crush the rest of your...er...Doritos?

Anyways, for future reference..."I'll show you mine if you show me yours" lines rarely work on a girl. Especially when you're talking about facebook.

Sincerely
The girl you spilled Doritos on