Wednesday, December 22, 2010

heavy breathing can be a symptom of many things...mainly awkwardness.

'Harvey' was a normal, nice, somewhat cute boy who asked me out awhile ago. I was excited to go out with Harvey, because at the time, I had been on a bit of a 'date drought' and Harvey had the potential of being totally hot if he wore the right outfit. We were going to dinner and a movie. Harvey came to pick me up and immediately eased me into easy conversation with his soft around the edges sarcasm and charm. When we were talking, we were on cloud nine. I found myself moving from just sort of excited to be on this date to really excited. We ate dinner at Chile's and laughed over the weird way I drink from my straw. Everything was lining up unusually well.

But on the way to the movie we drifted into silence. Which wouldn't have been too bad except for what happened next.

Harvey looked over at me and was breathing like he'd just run up ten flights of stairs. I was a little freaked out, because honestly I couldn't tell if he was choking on a piece of dinner or trying in some weird, offhanded way to seduce me. I guessed he wasn't choking when he reached out and touched my wrist. Ever the one to casually slip out of the classic 'car-hand-grab-and-hold' I hugged my arms to my waist and smiled. Not totally shutting him down. We were having fun. But I don't hold hands on the first date unless there are extenuating circumstances.

Harvey was not one of them.

I politely shifted my gaze out the window. "Thank so much for dinner."

"Anytime." Long. Deep. Breath.

I forced myself to look at him and to my horror his breathing had only increased. When I say he was breathing heavy...I cannot stress just HOW heavy. It was awkward and a half. I smiled again, relieved when we pulled into the parking lot of the movie theater.

My relief was short lived.

Harvey continued breathing heavy. The rest of the night. Through out the whole movie. And he kept trying to reach for my hand, even when I placed them neatly between my legs. Um, hint to all men out there...if a woman places her hands between her legs that is most likely a sign she does NOT want you to reach there and grab hold.

The entire car ride home I tried to carry on convesation, but Harvey seemed to lose all of his convesation skills. All he seemed to want to do was breathe. Hard and heavy. And look at me.

I don't know HOW this guy managed to go from cool to creepy. But he certianly did.

Note: Heavy breathing is totally acceptable a. after a swim, b. while working out, c. when someone is super excited or surprised, d. if you are the chesty actress in a horror film, and d....during other adult activities that I cannot mention. But please refrain from all such breaths if you are on a first date. Its just...weird.