Saturday, April 24, 2010

can I go to the bathroom...with you?

Another dating story fit for this blog. Here's the tale:

The sun was like a giant lemon drop in the sky. I looked up at it, then took in a deep breath of spring air. The guy who was meeting me at the park was a guy I met at an institute dance. He had seemed cute. And funny. After all he had been wearing a superman T-shirt. That already won points with me. And he had planned a romantic date. A picnic in the park. Things were looking good.
"Superman" pulled into the park just a few minutes after me. He got out of his car looking a lot like James Bond, sunglasses, disheveled sexy hair. My knees buckled like I was surfing a tsunami. I managed a smile.
"Hey," I said.
"Hey," He looked over his sunglasses at me.
"So" I eyed what he balanced on his hand. "Pizza?"
The Little Caesers Box smelled like hot, cheap pizza. I had the tendency to get a legit craving for hot, cheap pizza.
"Yeah." He flashed his blinding smile at me. We walked to the top of a fuzzy green hill. I sighed. Finally a man who could do things Jane Austin style.
He magically pulled a quilt out, and smooth as a magician had it settled atop the hill. We sat. I smiled, feeling a little awkward next to this class A literary hero type.
"Oh," I said, suddenly feeling stupid. "Before we start I'm gonna hit the restroom and wash my hands."
He slipped his shades off, eyed me. "Let me assist you."
Erm. What?
I must have heard him wrong. I chuckled and stood, "So I'll be right back."
He jumped to his feet like spiderman, concern creasing his brow. "I insist."
"You insist what?"
"I should accompany you to the restroom."
I shrugged. So the guy was into chivalry. And he talked a little too properly. The restroom was only seven feet away, but he could follow me to the door if he wanted.
We walked in silence. It wasn't really awkward because it wasn't a long walk.
I got to the door, which he swooped in and opened. I smiled. "Thanks."
I walked into the restroom.
And he followed me.
Wait. What? I turned, shocked. The guy was following me INTO the bathroom?
I looked around nervously, "Erm, you can just wait outside."
"I think its safer for you if I just wait in here."
Okay. This. Was. Weird. I KNEW I shouldn't have gone out with a guy from an institute dance. I had banned them all for a reason.
I wasn't sure if I should be freaked out or laugh. So I laughed. He just kinda looked at me like I was crazy, and for a second the look actually worked. I shut up. Then I laughed again.
"What's so funny?" He asked.
I couldn't say anything.